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Wednesday, July 2, 2008
walaO ehhs.feeling sooO damn fuck-ed up this few days.dunnO why alsO.told myself that i need to get it off my chest today or else i will feel very uneasy.so,lets start...
i do not want to continue being a follower IN THE HOUSE.!i wanna be a leader who can lead.!
i seriously had and really had enough of all the orderings heree and theree.
just because i appear very soft at home so your think your cann call me to do things as and when your like,make decisions firx then ask for my opinion.?!nvm.i will tell your straight NOW.!even if you are my grandma mother father or sister,I DONT CARE.!since your alsO dont care about me what so why must i care about your.rightt.?I AM NO PUSH-OVER.!!
to mummy.:i know what i am going to say will be very mean.but this is really from my xin li hua.i have kept it inside my heart for dont knoe like how many years already.TO ME,i've really always seen you as a bias one.really keep thinking to myself that are you really my mother or am i the one who is being adopted.and,what i mean by bias here is not what my sister have and i do not have.the real meaning here is i've always seen you giving her more attention care and concern then to me.!theres alot of examples.but,i will just take two recent ones.
e.g.1. that day when i took back my school graduation cert,i was really very happy and cant wait for you to come back to take a look at it.but,you didnt.!do you knoe how disappointed am i.?!i know,you need to take your dinner.so after your dinner,during a so called 'family sit-together watch tv time',i purposely took out my grad cert,put it in front of me,hoping that you will take a look while watching tv.but,YOU DIDNT.!even during advertisements/break time you also didnt even bother to take a single look at it lars.!grandma didnt know english and also didnt knoe how to read.but,she even bother to ask what is this.so,that makes me bothered to even explain to her.i was happy and cant wait for you to take a look because,i regard it as my firx very impt document as it contains of my testimonial,cca points and many more.bUt,you disappoint me.!sighs.afterwhich,i took the grad cert back to my room and you came to my room telling me about the insurance thingy that you left with me the previous time you want to take back to see.and,after talking talking half-way,you took my grad cert and return to your room.thats your whole motive right.?wanting to see my grad cert.you can just asked from me instead of beating around the bush.
e.g.2. sister took out her camera with alot of pictures from london in it.and,you were so damn engrossed looking at the pictures.even grandma took the delicacies that uncle brought from malaysia,you didnt even bother also to take a look.normally,you would always be the first want to look.but,all you were doing is engrossed yourself with the photos.(i know there is no link with me.but,read further).when i came back from school or from attachment,i happily told you what i have learn done and seen.but,you would seem no interest in it everytime.so,that makes me have to stop half-way and not continue.making me like a fool of myself.evertime,when i talk about clearing shit and stuffs,i know you will feel disgusted.in the firx place,i really have no intention in taking nursing,is you force me into it.dont worry,my conscience is clear.and,you imagine,i have to face all this even before my meals and by just telling you alone makes you already feels disgusted.then me,hey hellos.i am handling the real stuff,mind you.even if its disgusting or smelly,i cant do anything.i would just have to pretend that it is not.in all,you seem more engrossed into sister things than in my things.i knoe,and i must also undrstand that pictures frm oversea will always get the attention as they are nice.but,you everyime will show no interest in whatever i am talking.!!
to grandma.:please lars.you really treat me as a maid or what.!now is my holiday and i have MY PREVILEGE.everytime when in having my holidays,you will tell me dunno how many times to mop and sweep the floor.(i know its my responsibility,and i will do it).but,why when sister is on holiday.i also dont see you telling her EVEN ONCE to sweep or mop the floor.huhs.?!worst thing is,i am having my holiday and i can sleep until how late i want right.?but,just because my mummy wants the 'MY PAPER' and she told grandma.knoe what grandma say.?since i never go school,call me go down to get in the morning.(in hokkien).please lars.when im having holidays,everything like ask me do.but,when sister is having holidays,did you ask her to do a single thing.?NOOOOOOOOOOOO.!that is being really so damn UNFAIR lars.
wakaO ehhs.i really dont knoe if i really belongs to this family.i really have a kind of feeling that i am not regard as part of the family.sighs.:'(